I Hate Church

Lately, I despise church.  I know it’s supposed to be a time to grow spiritually with others but I get little out of it.  Our toddler daughter is very bright but doesn’t like to be left alone in Sunday School without me, yet she doesn’t last through the church service either.  So going to church has become an agonizing event for me.

First, I have to get not only myself ready, but our daughter as well.  This will inflict a conflict every time and will take me thirty minutes to just to get her dressed.  In other blogs, I have posted on how I pray for patience…she’s the reason I need more patience.  I thank the Lord for helping me maintain my sanity.  I love my daughter to the moon and back but she is just like me – stubborn, strong-willed, and hates authority.

Second, I have to make sure I eat breakfast (I’m about half way through my pregnancy now!) and pack a bag of emergency clothes in case our daughter has an accident and extra food and water in case we do something after church.

Somehow all this needs to be done in one hour just to make it to church on time.  I’m lucky if I remember to put mascara on both eyes.

When we get to church, we start as a family at the service until our toddler decides she’s done.  Then I take her back to the preschool room.  I would leave her, and believe me, I have tried but she cries so hard that she gets sick and we get pulled out of the service.  So I just stay with her in Sunday School.  There I deal with the other kids too, and sadly, it’s not my favorite thing.  All I get out of Sunday mornings is a lot of misery.

How is this helping me to grow and strengthen my faith in Jesus?

I do not learn anything.  I never get to hear a sermon or sing a song.  Instead I’m coloring with kids who have snot running down their faces and hoping that my daughter doesn’t get sick from them.

HELLO?!  Someone please just slap me!

Sometimes we have to be brutally honest with ourselves in order to change.

My real problem is that I’m being selfish.

When you become a mother, you sacrifice a lot of freedoms you once had.  It’s how you handle it that will define what kind of mother you will be.  Do you take on a selfish deposition and leave your children to be raised by babysitters because you still need that night out every week or take a vacation twice a year without the kids?  Do you splurge money on fruitless material items you really do not need and have your children go without new shoes?  Do you stay at home on Sunday mornings and keep your daughter from learning about Jesus because it’s just too much of a hassle to go to church?

Being a mom is a huge responsibility!  I have totally dropped the ball on church so I can have a relaxing Sunday morning.  I admit it and I’m asking for help.

My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. –Psalms 121:2

This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. – 1 John 5:14-15

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

I’m stopping myself from growing spiritually!  I need to take this opportunity to not only teach my daughter on Sunday mornings about Jesus but the other young children as well.  What I thought was a door closing on me is really a door opening another opportunity.  God is testing me.  He has provided me with more patience for a reason.  Now I just have to pray and reflect and perhaps take a new path in my growth as a Christian Working Mom.

Dear Father in Heaven, I am so sorry and beg your forgiveness.  I have been so selfish in thoughts and actions about church.  Please help me to open my heart and arms to the young children of the church on Sundays so I can teach them the love Jesus has for each of them.  Grant me patience on Sunday mornings when dealing with my daughter and open my mind to a new unselfish way of thinking about church so it will fill my heart with love and joy.  Thank you for inspiring me to write this blog and showing me through my writing what my faults are so I can make improvements and become a better Christian to serve you.  In your name, Amen.

Remember:  We will never be perfect Christians since we are slaves to sin, but we must always try to better ourselves and slowly over time old unhealthy habits become new Godly habits.

If you have any suggestions on making church less stressful for families with toddlers or ways to help separation anxiety, please leave a comment!  The wisdom is much appreciated.


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